Practical Tips for Building Assertiveness
Speaking up can feel risky, even when the words are simple. The good news is that assertiveness is a skill, not a personality type.
In assertiveness training, clients learn the skill of assertiveness.
The following are some examples.
Start with one clear sentence
When emotions rise, long explanations can make it harder to speak. Try one short sentence first.
Examples:
“I need more time to think.”
“That does not work for me.”
“I would like to finish my thought.”
A clear sentence gives the conversation a steady starting point.
Use a calm, steady tone
Being assertive does not mean being harsh. Aim for a voice that is firm and respectful. If you feel rushed, pause before answering.
One helpful phrase is:
“I want to respond clearly, so I need a moment.”
That pause can keep the conversation from turning into an apology or an argument.
Practise low-stakes moments
Build confidence in small places first. Ask for the correct order at a café. Say no to a minor request. Tell a friend what you prefer for dinner.
Notice the guilt, but do not obey it
Guilt often appears when people start setting limits. That does not mean the limit is wrong. It may simply mean the habit is new. People who put others first always can end up becoming burnt out and resentful, and you do not have to do that to yourself.
Takeaway
Start small, keep your words simple, and practise often. Confidence grows when speaking up becomes something familiar, not something saved for moments of pressure.
If you are interested in assertiveness training, feel free to book a no charge 25-minute consultation call with me for in-person support in Guelph and across Ontario with online counselling!
Have a question you think would make a great blog post that I could answer? Send me a message at collabpsy@gmail.com and I could address it next time!
